Rejecting Gender

Unrelated side note: I do most of my first drafts in Notepad if not on physical paper. The barebones, typewriter-like appearance draws me in, makes me thinking writing is just…writing….again. The unending, uninterrupted blankness below is full of opportunity, and it reminds me of going before an altar to my literary ancestors, the writers who inspire me, and drawing upon their styles like the Muses.

Gender. The OED actually still lists an entry that equates it with the term sex. I’m beginning to wonder why this hasn’t been removed, because as soon as you start to clarify gender into the stereotypical masculine or feminine, one can’t help but see those labels for the sexes aren’t equivalent, so the model falls apart. Regardless, its the next entry that I’m interested in here, which is “The state of being male or female as expressed by social or cultural distinctions and differences, rather than biological ones; the collective attributes or traits associated with a particular sex, or determined as a result of one’s sex.” They list an example that supports this from an entry in the American Journal of Psychology in 1945, which was the era when gender and sex were definitively recognized as different terms (a step many attribute to feminist movements).

Before I go on, I have to remind readers that I’m in no way belittling or denying any transperson–not in the slightest. I respect everyone’s right to their pronouns, to protection from discrimination, and to represent who they are at their core. The opinion I’m lobbying is that the social part of gender construction should be removed because of the inherent strife and pain. I can understand that my words may sound like I’m professing transfolk don’t exist, but that is neither my purpose nor thought. The topic does falter a bit when considering the other genders besides masculine and feminine, and I hope eventually that address will work its way in smoothly.

As American society moves forward, doing away with both of these entries would be a potent weapon in eradicating gender bias–in the workplace, home, public office, laws, and so much more. Strictly speaking, we have males performing traditionally feminine roles, and females performing traditionally masculine roles. Some people view this as “masculine women” and “feminine men,” but at that point, what’s the purpose of holding these stereotypes in your mind? If we have a ton of women athletes who are ultra competitive and confrontational, how is it that we still consider these characteristics masculine? What about male nurses and stay at home dads? Why are those traits defined as feminine if there are so many males that identify with them? While I’m aware there aren’t an equal amount of the sexes that crossover their expressions like I outlined, these roles are undoubtedly more integrated now than in 1945.

Long story short: we’re using a definition that’s based on nearly 75 year old data. How do we not see this needs updating?

This gets to the bottom of why word choice is more important than we think. Our brain wants shortcuts all the time–look at how long it takes adults to learn new languages in comparison to kids. Older brains have decades of training in one way of thinking, so it takes a larger amount of concentration and reteaching to recognize the a second grammar and vocabulary. We have to start training ourselves away from “masculine” and “feminine,” or we’re going to put people in boxes in which they don’t belong. Humans can recognize now that correcting behavior is a more effective foundation for stable, widespread change. My first step in fighting this whole debacle was use “active” and “passive” as gender distinctions, and to keep “masculine” and “feminine” solely for physical descriptors. If you hear “feminine male,” the current trend is to think they’re acting more like a woman (which for some is less desirable and something to insult) because we’ve associated “feminine” with “woman” for ages. Whereas “passive male” just means he expresses himself in less visible or outgoing ways. One could argue, and rightly, that those people shouldn’t be viewing females as lesser or inferior because that’s not founded in logic. But, using “passive” kills two birds with one stone: takes away the whole impetus for bias, and becomes more accurately descriptive instead of relatively descriptive.

To improve from there, I feel the need to throw out the gender concept all together, and I’ll stress again I’m not doing this from a malicious place. To reiterate, gender is a social construct. In the 40s, gender roles were pretty hard core. It was difficult if not impossible for women to find jobs in a field dominated by men, and vice versa (admittedly though, WWII was a huge contributor to the gender equality movement as women stepped into jobs left vacant by drafted men). You would be outcast from your social circles (at the least) if a man wore a dress, or a woman took up auto maintenance. What purpose do gender roles serve us now? For the trans community, identity is extremely important, because their gender and sex were determined by their anatomy, which science shows is not the case. And still, in many situations, much of the negative emotions and experiences surrounding their journeys are due to societal pressures from these roles and traits we label as masculine and feminine. The current era, simply by existing, is starting to phase gender roles out on its own, as we more freely adopt roles and traits no matter the label.

“That’s ludicrous, Becca. If gender is gone, how do we know what pronouns to use?” First off, you should be either asking or listening to people’s preferences, even before my proposal–so, watch yourself.

Secondly, gender based pronouns are as much a social construct as gender is. I was born with one set of anatomy and two X chromosomes, so I was assigned female as my sex and thus called “she”. I should note many times (mostly in LARPing communities) I’ve been referred to as he or asked for pronoun clarification because of my physical appearance and presence, and I’ve come to find I don’t mind at all. I feel comfortable with my body and physiology, and because “she” was also associated with the female sex, that’s my pronoun. Ultimately, current standards make me agender, because I’m rejecting the entire notion. I will still use peoples’ preferred pronouns, because good progress is slow, and abandoning the gender system entirely would shift our whole nation and world. If you’d like the join in on this movement, please feel free to comment or message me with any questions, but as far as actions go, start thinking of pronouns not in terms of gender, but rather a preference.

As always, live with courage and compassion.